All products featured on Allure are independently selected by our editors.
However, we may receive compensation from retailers and/or from purchases of products through links in this article.
Because make no mistake: IVF is all-consuming.
Getty Images
The appointments and injections and procedures are completely overwhelming, as are the emotions.
The whole thing is soul-crushing.
And so I wondered:How did Erin do it?
Kristen Bell (left) as Joanne and Adam Brody (right) as “hot rabbi” Noah inNobody Wants This.
The truth is, it wasnt easy.
Read on for Erins story, and her advice for others going through it, too.
This interview has been edited and condensed for clarity.
EF: It started when I went to have my eggs checked right after my 34th birthday.
So I thought, Well, I guess I should get ahead of this andfreeze my eggs.
But I only got three eggs after my retrieval.
Then I did another round about a year later, and only got two eggs.
I got three eggs again, bringing my count to eight eggs total.
We did that, but none of the eight eggs worked.
We didnt get any embryos.
I felt really scared.
And this is what people dont get:Freezing your eggsis not always the solution.
After that, I just kept going.
I ended up doing 20 egg retrievals and five embryo transfers.
It finally worked on the 5th transfer.
And 20 rounds was just my completed retrieval rounds…there were so many others that got canceled.
Maybe Id ovulated too early, or Id ovulated too late, or whatever else.
You dont know how to stop.
There were so many times when I said, Thats it.
Im not doing this anymore.
Im done with this process.
F*ck this.
But then, you know, I just couldnt help myself.
Id see some sign from the universe.
And Id think, This is it.
This is the time.
This is the time its going to work.
I became glazed over.
Id say, Yup, okay, figured that would happen.
Lets keep it moving.
I didnt know anyone who was going through it to the degree that I was going through it.
EF: We sold the idea to 20th [Television] before Covid.
But then Covid happened, and I hit a wall.
I was at my 10th failed retrieval at that point.
And the number 10 just stuck out to me so much, you know?
And this thing had recently happened to me where my estrogen had plummeted.
It was just stabbing pain.
It was so uncomfortable, and I just could not write.
And I kept using Covid as an excuse.
But obviously I had nothing but time to write.
I just couldnt focus on anything.
I was in a funk.
I was mad, and unhappy.
I was so sick of IVF.
So I was able to not think about it for a while.
I was thinking about not thinking about it.
I was like, the universe doesnt know Im really thinking about a baby right now.
I just could not focus.
And Id started to turn my attention to other places.
I started cooking a lot…trying to inject joy into my life that wasnt about fertility stuff.
Then, once I did finish writing, Netflix immediately said, we love the show.
Id written it for myself to star in, but they said: We would rather have Kristen Bell.
And I was like, Well first of all, no one is offering it to me.
And second of all, the truth is I want to be pregnant.
I want to be a mom.
Thats actually what I want.
And I dont want to be in a hair and makeup trailer at 5 AM.
Thats not where I’m at in my life.
I’m 40 years old.
This wouldnt really work.
So it all worked out perfectly anyway.
I ended up getting pregnant during the [Writers Guild of America] strike.
EF:I shut off during IVF.
I hated my body.
It wasnt doing what I wanted it to do.
And that really pissed me off.
I didnt want to take care of it, you know?
I was very disconnected so that I could function.
And then, when I finally got pregnant, every stage of my pregnancy was like magic.
I just couldnt believe my body was actually pulling this off.
And I wanted to feel the birth.
I wanted to experience it.
Throughout IVF, I had no say in the process.
I didnt get pregnant the way I wanted to.
So I thought: This is the one thing I can venture to have on my terms.
Everybody said it was the worst idea, which only made me want to do it more.
I said: You dont understand what its like.
We dont get to have those sort of intrinsically primal experiences.
So I just thought: The most insane one is the one that I want to really experience.
But it all went fine.
I had a 100% non-complicated birth.
EF: Honestly, it strengthened our relationship.
Im so impressed with you.
We got excited about the tiniest things together, and disappointed at the same time.
And I was like, Just put the show back on.
I don’t want to talk.
Let’s just watch TV.
It was like, what is there to even say?
At a certain point, what can you say?
Literally, what can you say?
People dont realize that going through IVF tests your humanity.
Have you stopped thinking about it?
Its going to happen as soon as you stop thinking about it.
When you say, Have you gone on this diet?
Have you read this book?
Have you tried this smoothie?
youre saying that something were doing is preventing pregnancy from happening.
And thats already how we feel.
Were already blaming ourselves.
Were already thinking things like, Oh sh*t, I had that glass of wine.
Maybe I shouldnt have had that.
Maybe Im not as healthy as I should be.
If I go to a doctors appointment, I dont want you to ask me what happened.
Ill let you know when Im pregnant.
You dont need to know every single time a follicle grows two millimeters.
Maybe its more IVF than you wanted to do.
Maybe its a surrogate.
Maybe its an egg donor or a sperm donor.
At one point, I took pressure off myself and started wondering: Should I use my sisters eggs?
What would that look like?
There are so many different options.
You love the baby you have so much that it makes it easier to remember what you went through.
Because youre like: If it had worked any other time, it wouldnt be this baby.
And now I only want this baby.
This was the baby I was meant to have.
Read about more women’s journey through IVF.
Now watch a video about a dancer’s experience with psoriasis.
