Welcome toDoing It, a column where sex educator Varuna Srinivasan explores the deep connections between sex and emotions.
This difference created a bit of a rift.
I felt frustrated, while he felt pressured."
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Jazmines experience is far from unique.
was the most frequently asked question.
Many couples fear sexual desire discrepancy as if its the grim reaper for their relationship, Manser says.
This might be something you notice from the jump, or it could be something that develops over time.
Rare is the relationship that has two people perfectly synced with their sexual arousal and desire.
After I started taking a new SSRI, it felt like my libido was in the tank.
To make things more complicated, there might not always be a clear cause for one partners lowered libido.
It took that long to notice the difference because we were long-distance, she explains.
For example, saying Im really missing connecting with you or Im feeling lonely and a touch insecure.
Id love to talk about it.
Seek to understand and show empathy for another rather than fix one another.
A couples counselor can be a helpful resource in getting these conversations going.
Three months into a relationship, the drastic difference in libidos started to take a toll on her self-esteem.
Im very open when it comes to sex, she says.
And of course, a discrepancy is never an excuse for emotional or physical abuse.
TheNational Domestic Violence Hotlineis available 24/7 and hasa directory for finding local resources.
But it’s also important to honor the intimacy the other partner might be craving.
People often assume that having a lot of a sex in a relationship indicates that theyre madly in love.
No one likes rejection!
This can sometimes lead to intercourse, but it also encourages him to express his own desires."
For some couples, a compromise might involve opting intoconsensual non-monogamy.
When they realized that they were both bisexual, opening the marriage seemed like a natural step.
These shared moments nourish our intimacy just as much as physical connection, she says.
Desire can also manifest in the form of acts of service.
Instead, think of it as a checkpoint.
Use this moment to reflect on your relationship and how you show up for each other as non-sexual beings.
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