I would consider myself somewhat of a self-care guinea pig.
Shaman temazcal ceremonies in Mexico to connect with my spiritual side?
Co-edsweat lodgesin Austria?In the nude?
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Sure, why not?
Doctors suggested MRIs andphysical therapy for a possible slipped discbut Im terrified of MRIs and prone to claustrophobia.
That was a no.
A look at a tongue “map” and the resulting acupuncture treatment.
Then I tried chiropractors.
That didnt work either.
PT was another option, but the one I was least interested in.
I can fix this with traditional Chinese medicine!
I manifested, booking an appointment at wellness oasisSage + Soundin New York City.
A tall man dressed in a button-down and tie with sneakers came into the room to greet me.
Hi, Im Paul, how can I help?
he said with a warm, friendly smile and an Australian accent.
I liked him instantly and felt at ease.
Damn, this guy was good.
Only there was no keeping secrets from Paul, it seemed.
Be generous, all the way out, he requested.
Can he see the copious amounts of shellfish, pasta, and cocktails I consumed in Nantucket?
No way, I prayed.
And even if he could, what did that have to do with my back?
Noticing my hesitancy with thetongue analysis, he offered up a bit of wisdom.
Its one of the ways Eastern practitioners get information about whats going on inside your body, he explained.
Maybe a huge iced coffee wasnt the right call before this meeting, I lamented.
And well worth it, I might add.
This could also be causing somegut irritationfor you, he whispered.
Ive had digestive issues (including lactose intolerance) for as long as I can remember.
For starters, he said my tongue looked pale when the ideal shade was baby pink.
Okay noted, will do my best to get back to a Barbiecore-level tongue.
I blamed the lobster and rose, but then I asked, What even constitutes an A+ tongue anyway?
At the bottom of the list is the skanky meat section at D’Agostinos.
Oh god, did I have a skanky D’Agostinos tongue?!
At the top is Erewhonthe gold standard for grocery stores and tongues.
I made a mental note of my homework, relieved I wasnt going home with a garbage tongue rating.
I could work with this.
Finally, it was time for the acupuncture.
Luckily, I was lying on my stomach for this part and couldnt see them going in.
Even getting my blood drawn makes me queasy.
A look at a tongue map and the resulting acupuncture treatment.
Almost like shishito peppers?
You never know which one might be a tad spicy.
Well, thats the thing about acupuncture, no pain, no gain, he said, giggling.
If its not tolerable we can adjust it, however.
After I told him he could leave it (I was on a mission, remember?)
Paul offered something akin to an explanation: That is interesting you mentioned your right calf though.
About two or three days, he joked.
Thankfully, it was a mere 20 to 25 minutes.
No thanks, but herbal tonics?
That I can get on board with.
There are many similarly active but still unique herbs that really help synergize one another for better results.
Hey, if it will help with my sacrum soreness, Ill take it every day.
Turns out, my hunch was on par, per usual.
Hes one of Gwyneth Paltrows personal acupuncturistsyou might rememberher trying out facial acupuncturea few years ago on Insta?
Yep, that was Paul.
One of the guests perked right up, Oh, Paul?
Yeah, hes the best.
like tell me more, was all I could reply.
Youre most likely wondering as I was, my jaw on the floor.
The mind-blowing talent that is Paul.
Back home, however, I found myself still wondering about the status of my tongue.
Was it better/worse/the same?
Are tongue checks even necessary for acupuncture?
I asked Dr. Abisror later.
Can I givemyselfa tongue check?
I inquired, wondering in the back of my head if I would indeed do this.
Its sort of likeadministering dermaplaning on yourselforgua sha.
YoucouldDIY it, but its so much more satisfying when you have a professional handling the heavy lifting.
First thing in the morning is a great time to look at your tongue, she says.
(No shade, TJs, I love you).
You might need to up your self-care a bit, she tells me.
I would prioritize sleep,meditation, and deep rest.
She also suggests warming up my diet.
Surely I had to be closer to an Erewhon tongue, I thought.
Remember, everything in Chinese medicine is about the yin and the yang, she continues.
Everything in Asian culture is about moderation and finding the proper balance.
You have a perfect thin white coat.
I seemed to be improving.
Aaaand I take it back.
You also have a crack down your middle, she says.
Cracks usually mean some level of deficiency and the deficiency I do see is from yourmiddle jiao.
Yin is the substance.
Yang is the abstractthe qi.
A quasi win (I think) but then comes the S word.
What if your tongue size, the way it was born, is just like that?
I may never get my tongue to perfectly pink, less swollen place and that might be okay.
It’s called balance, am I right?
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