You seem incredibly Zen today, Jenna, a licensedpsychotherapistand my trip sitter for the day, remarked.
(Annoying disclosure: I had free access to these treatments while writing this story.)
But everyone was exceedingly nice, unstuffy, and genuinely warm to me.
Allure/Channing Smith
At times, it felt like we were just two regular, schmegular mid-20s girls hanging out together.
Strapped into my blood pressure monitor before taking ketamine.
The plan was to have a shot in my arm of 25mg ketamine.
Strapped into my blood pressure monitor before taking ketamine.
After this, I’d float off into a dissociative, psychedelic trip.
Halfway through my hour-long session, a nurse would come in and offer another dose of the same amount.
How had I ended up in that ridiculously sexy, new-age therapy chair?
My post-trip snack pack. It was not a hamburger, but it was delicious.
Ketamine came into my life at a time I was feeling very lazy about my mental health.
It seemed like life was walking me on a leash.
I had no sense of agency.
I spent a lot of time staring at the ceiling.
Normal depression stuff, I guess.
But all the mindless Instagram scrolling that comes with feeling the big sads was good for one thing.
I decided to learn more about ketamine.
It was a drug I’d tried before, albeit without my consent.
Most of all, I wanted to get out of myself for a while.
What would the world look like if it didnt feel so scary?
Who would I be if I shed some layers of trauma?
How does ketamine therapy work?
For the past 30 years, researchers have studied the potential impact of ketamine as a therapy tool.
Why is ketamine therapy so expensive?
“Ketamine in itself is actually quite inexpensive,” Levy says.
“What makes it so costly is the fact that you have so much professional time supporting the experience.
So these are people whose time is… unfortunately, quite expensive.”
“And just do ‘shrooms with my friends.”
What does a ketamine session feel like?
Was I on this soapbox as I drifted off into my ketamine trip?
I have to admit I was not.
Very slowly, I had no sense of who I was or what I was doing.
I gave up caring.
There were two cracks of light in my eye mask, streaming in from both sides of my nose.
I cannot remember a time when I did not feel majorly insecure about my big nose.
I hated it so much growing up that I began to blame everything on its size.
Then I saw the faint outline of a flesh-toned L shape cut through my vision.
It zoomed past my peripherals, so I followed it with my eyes.
Then it got clear: I was being guided deeper into the darkness by my nose.
But this time, I wasnt disgusted by the way I looked.
When I came to, I was holding myself, wrapped up in a gigantic, solo hug.
There were tears in my eyes, but I felt at peace.
All I wanted was a hamburger.
For the record, I never felt sick.)
My post-trip snack pack.
It was not a hamburger, but it was delicious.
I looked at myself in the mirror.
Just knowing I could be at peace with my appearance was more than enough for me.
It was a hope I hadnt felt in a while.
I have cried and gone to dark places.
But Ive also brought myself back from those cliffs, and Ive made small improvements to my life.
After ketamine, I know that I’m capable of loving myself.
For that, I’d recommend it to anyone who can afford the treatments.
But I cannot write about this experience without acknowledging how inaccessible it is for many people.
