I attend a biweekly memoir writing group, my Woo Woo meetup, which includes women from all backgrounds.
At 32, I am the second-youngest member; the eldest member is in her 70s.
For women of color, this often includes ideas about complexion, hair texture and length.
Allure / Clara Hendler
Mbilishaka explains, “Ive definitely seen it within family dynamics in terms of privileges.
“Women want to have a certain appearance so badly that they risk their health and wellness.”
She flips this scenario and offers a space where her clients feel safe enough to express themselves.
It’s challenging to find a support system that consistently values Black beauty, Mbilishaka says.
This was regardless of her being consistently underweight.
“Id still see myself as a fat ass.
But theyre in style now, and I love my ass.
She was her fathers only daughter, and was branded a tomboy.
I used to spit, sit like a boy, and do everything my brothers did, Ward recalls.
“My dad used to joke, ‘Youre such a little boy!
you better act like a lady.
How are you ever gonna get married?'”
Despite her belief that those things were said in jest, they created an insecurity that stuck with Ward.
“Thats because of the stereotypes of Black women.
As her career has grown, shes had to challenge those beliefs.
“Its like were on autopilot.
Its not easy to step out of that traumatic lineage.”
Its like were on autopilot.
Its not easy to step out of that traumatic lineage,” she says.
“It really takes a lot of work.
So you have to devote a portion of your life to healing that trauma.
A lot of people don’t want to face what’s there.”
“She never monitored anyones food, but my mother monitored hers.
It takes a whole unwinding, Lapides explains, “and then turning it around in a new direction.
And it does take some serious willpower.”
For Ward, overcoming her insecurities has meant consciously adopting new beliefs.
For one thing, she likes to tell herself that she is enough.
Am I not enough of that?
I always encourage thorough, full self-study.”
