My hair fantasies started during the pandemic.
Id lay in mybonnetand daydream about my childhood blowouts.
Our stylist would place a wooden box on a vinyl salon chair so her hands could work their magic.
Brittany M. Reid
Shed wash my coils and move the box to the hooded dryer for my deep condition.
I imagined masked strangers stopping me on the streets to ask about my lustrous, healthy hair.
To be clear, my hair isnt exactly healthy.
I let protective styles stay in too long, and my edges resist control.
But mid-quarantine, I had major hair aspirations.
I wanted a professional to take my hair to the next level.
During the pandemic, when I was touch-deprived, scared, and bored, Id fantasize about blowouts.
I walked into the salon: It looked like Starbucks and SoulCycle had a baby that did hair.
Each blow-dry station had about six bottles of hairspray and a canister containing thin-toothed combs my hair would destroy.
There wasnt a cubby to the left filled with colorful rollers of differing sizes.
Nothing about this place made me feel at home.
I shouldve run, but instead, I waved at the Black stylist assigned to me.
It didnt take long to realize that she apparently found my curl pattern offensive.
It felt like someone had pulled down my pants in public.
If you think I got what I deserved, Im not surprised.
None of the Black women in my life raised me to walk into a white salon.
And, as a self-proclaimed bad natural, Im used to people remarking about my hair.
It felt like the stylists hands (and bad vibes) were still lingering in my scalp.
Although my hair was straighter, I was disappointed overall, and I felt a little violated, too.
When I found myself talking about this in therapy, I knew something was wrong.
Getting an incredibly rough blow-dry in a white space reminded me of experiences Id forgotten.
I talked about aviral videoshowing a mom-shaming her daughter for having thick hair.
Yeah, OK, I am probably triggered, I told my therapist.
But almost every Black woman has an experience where a family member, friend, or stylist shamed them.
My salon experience isnt that unique.
She responded by telling me it was hair trauma.
We are in a golden age of Black beauty and natural hair care.
The anti-texturism act is now law in 13 states.
“We have those experiences of internalizing texturism and racism, but it’s reflecting the larger society.”
At different points in history, straight hair was linked to a better life.
Within the barbarity of slavery, you might have a safer path, she says.
We see this relationship between straighter hair and economic mobility over and over throughout American history.
It gives so many of us a place to feel beautiful.
Still, it isnt immune to internalized texturism.
4c is often considered the tightest texture.
Theres a robust conversation about whether the hair typing system does more harm than good.
She even mentions that being called tender-headed can be a form of gaslighting and diminishing someone’s pain experience.
Breakage around the edges (a source of shame and ridicule) is often calledtraumatic alopecia.
And this pop in of flashback sounds a lot like a trauma response to me.
So what if we take a moment to take our pain more seriously?
We have to start with naming our hurts, Oriowo explains.
When we identify what hurts us, we are better equipped to do something about it.
“Some hair traumas are intergenerational, passed down from generation to generation like warped heirlooms.”
I would encourage people to restrict their payments or funds.
In our longstanding commitment to dismantle white supremacy, we must also continue to heal ourselves.
It’s the system that would critique tightly coiled [and] darker skin, Mbilishaka says.
And how sick is that?
That they have to create this false dichotomy of good and bad?
In the face of all that discrimination, you will need a safe haven.
Be sure to find or build a community, Oriowo says.
There is much we have internalized about our worth and value from what folk have said about our hair.
Lets double-check we are equally working to heal what was hurt.
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