In my profession, theres an unspoken expectation to be perpetually manicured in the most literal sense.
My hands dwarf those of most womens and sometimes even those of men my size.
And speaking of my fingers, theyre meaty, and they have the knuckle joints to match.
Illustration by Ana Jarén
But heres the thing: I kind of loathe having long nails?
And theywillpop off, leaving my natural nails underneath torn and even weaker than they had been.
I had been applying that to my nails, too.
Nicola Dall’Asen
When that thumbs extension inevitably tore off, it took more than half the barely-healed natural nail with it.
I dont think they actually got more slim,she responded.
Its just an illusion of having long nails.
Nicola Dall’Asen
I then went to the search bar and typed in long nails slender fingers.
There was a tutorial on how to make fingers lookskinnyyywith different manicures.
There wereranked listsof the best nail shapes for more slender-looking fingers.
Nicola Dall’Asen
There were multiple videos of womenopenly fantasizingabout having daintier hands and slimmer fingers.
It was the internalized fatphobia again, wasnt it?
Sure, rounded shapes and long, slender lines are naturally appealing to the eye.
Nicola Dall’Asen
But for me, personally, thats been the kicker all along.
But it all makes sense.
And I dont want to draw attention to my hands with rings if I dont think theylookthin.
Nicola Dall’Asen
Because despite all the self-acceptance Ive accomplished, theres still an inkling of longing deep within me tobethin.
Because Ive been trained to fear fatness in ways I wish I didnt.
It actually comes in handy (ha) to have big, sturdy palms and fingers.
Nicola Dall’Asen
Theres a reason I was really good at basically every sport I ever tried in my teens.
And when my boyfriend and I hold hands, it feels balanced and seamless because theyre the same size.
I dont need my hands to be small, skinny, or dainty at all.
When I think about all those things I just said, I realize I don’twantthem to be.
