Welcome toDoing It, a column where sex educator Varuna Srinivasan explores the deep connections between sex and emotions.
This month, they explore the underrated experience of having sex or masturbating in front of a mirror.
Have a question or story idea for Dr. Srinivasan?Submit it here.
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Mirrors changed mysex life.
I know, I know.
I have a sex column.
I’m supposed to be super sexually liberated.
My vulva looked the complete opposite from what I saw in porn.
These types of feelings are, unfortunately, not uncommon.
It centers white, cis, thin, heterosexual, young, and able-bodied people.
It sets up an impossible standard and is designed to make people feel uncomfortable, inadequate, and isolated.
I found it incredibly sexually freeing to masturbate while looking at my reflection in the mirror.
No filters, no edits, just the raw image and reflection of my labias.
As I found, it can help with certain types of anxiety around sex, too.
It can be incredibly validating to have them compliment your body out loud.
Ive grown to love viewing myself, almost like I am the object of a creative photo.
10 out of 10, would recommend!
For me, mirror sex isnt just about the act itself; its part of a larger lifestyle.
I like to imitate fancy people.
Its given me a new perspective on my partners body and helped me feel more horny during sex.
It has helped me embrace and appreciate aspects of my body that I might have previously overlooked.
Reena, 25, Chicago
The mirror for sex is solely for me to see his enjoyment.
I decided to use the mirror to investigate and as it turns out, I loved the experience.
We looked incredibly hot, and it helped me understand that he loves me for me.
Still, I love my body more now.
Now, the mirror for sex is solely for me to see his enjoyment.
Over time, I realized I was turned on by this.
I started masturbating and taking nudes in front of a mirror, which eventually extended into the bedroom.
This experience completely transformed how I viewed myself.
Initially, it was strange seeing myself have sex, but it grew to be more comfortable and affirming.
Despite my insecurity about my body, seeing how much my partner desired me helped shatter those negative beliefs.
I still struggle withbody image issues, but in the bedroom, the confidence boost is undeniable.
I used to be very insecure about mybreasts, thinking they were too small.
However, seeing my partner appreciate them during mirror sex made me feel wanted and more confident.
As soon as he saw them, he was grinning from ear to ear and I was clueless.
I couldn’t figure out why he was so excited.
I definitely felt self-conscious at first, but it wasn’t the overriding feeling.
Curiosity and excitement were more prominent but I was aware of how parts of my body were jiggling.
I’ve nursed two children so thesebreasts are not as perkyas they once were.
When we first did it, my eye naturally went to things I saw as imperfections.
Like it was the first time he’d seen breasts.
He was so turned on by what he was seeing, which turned me on like crazy.
I mentally had to slap myself and say, “Woman!
Do you see the pure delight in this man’s face?!?!?
He’s not seeing what you’re seeing.
He’s seeing a goddamn goddess!”
Heck, nobody else is judging my body but me.
Interviews have been edited and condensed for clarity.
