Welcome toDoing It, a column where sex educator Varuna Srinivasan explores the deep connections between sex and emotions.
This month, we examine the art of the sex party and what these infamous fetesreallyentail.
Sex partiesare exactly just that.
Design: Bella Geraci / Photos: Getty Images
They are parties, like any social gathering, except the people attending can (oftentimes) have sex.
(Plus, lets be honest, many such locations are not safe places for women orqueer folks.)
Some parties encouragefull-on orgies.
Some are play parties that focus more onkinkand not so much on penetration or heavy sexual activity.
But all these events prioritize sex positivity, particularly play parties, also known as kink/BDSM parties.
But [they] will arrive and leave the party together and partake in couple-on-couple swaps.
What are some tips for a first-time sex party attendee?
It can feel daunting to go to a party where any throw in of sexual activity is encouraged.
So, what are sex parties actually like?
Curious to try out a sex party?
Maybe you already RSVPd and are now digging for details to figure out what you should expect.
Either way, let their experiences give you a sneak preview on what it might involve.
When I was 18, I joined a swingers website.
I started dating a couple who frequented swinger parties.
It got me really into the sensual experience and meeting people who enjoyed it, as well.
Don’t be afraid to say no and set boundaries.
It’s not free for all.
Find a play partner who you’re able to bring to explore with.
It’s a lot easier when you have a friend to lean on for support.
Also, nonsexual munches can be a great place to start and get to know people.
Don’t be afraid to say no and set boundaries.
It’s not free for all.
If something or someone makes you uncomfortable, let someone know.
I had previously attended a few fetish parties in Scotland called Torture Gardens.
However, my first sex party was in November 2022.
There was a lot of latex, leather, and lace involved.
The second area featured a [penetrative machine] and aSt.
The third room was for those who wanted to indulge in [medical fetishism].
It was definitely one of the more enlightening experiences of my life.
The amount of aftercare each of us offered [one another] was extraordinary.
Snuggles being shared across the rooms, people laughing, people moaning, people crying.
I cried a lot.
I discovered the swinging lifestyle after separating from my first husband in 2016.
I met someone onTinderwho introduced me to sex clubs, parties, and the lifestyle.
My first party was at a sex club in New York City called Checkmate.
It was a regular-looking apartment building.
We took the elevator downstairs, paid the fee, and were welcomed into a bar area.
We observed and decided to start the party by playing together.
Soon after, we were invited by other couples to join them and engaged in swapping situations.
It was hot, a positive experience for sure.
The rest is history.
My first experience was a prepandemic party in a private loft.
This was a performance-based event where the performers sometimes engaged in sex on stage.
“Since then, Ive been to several different kinds of parties.
There are no typical parties, as they all differ depending on who is throwing them.
Those are the parties that I often recommend.
First, to clarify, I am not a member of the swing lifestyle.
I am a member of thekink communityand a BDSM practitioner.
I have never hadgroup sex, nor do I attend swing parties or share partners.
I go to BDSM and kink-friendly parties, many of which are sex-positive.
The first event I went to was a BDSM party for 18- to 35-year-olds.
There were strict rules: no nudity and no penetrative play.
It felt like I finally found my people.
My first time was at theHaciendain Brooklyn.
It felt like I finally found my people.
Everyone is nice to each other, everyone takes consent very seriously.
I feel extremely safe there.
There’s people that don’t play with anyone and just socialize and there’s others having seven-person orgies.
You’ll find whatever you want there.”
My first experience was very positive.
I went with someone who was very experienced in thekinkand swinging community.
She also asked me if her husband could watch.
I was surprisingly okay with it, considering Im not really into men.
Ive never been to a sex party, but I have been to a number of sex clubs.
The first one I ever went to was KitKat in Berlin.
I honestly wasnt shocked by anything happening around me, it was a pretty free and accepting environment.
People can be having sex all around you and generally will only engage if you give clear consent.
Ive been to a few other clubs of this nature around the world and they have similar vibes.
*Interviews have been edited for length and clarity.
Some names have been changed at the request of sources.
