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Genderqueeris a word I have only known for three or so years.
Bella Geraci / Getty Images
Prior to discovering it, I had only known two words with regard to gender: woman and man.
Like many, my conceptions of gender fit neatly into the binary system laid out for us since youth.
Growing up, my dad would graciously use the word tomboy to describe me.
Varuna Srinivasan
Growing breasts, armpit hair, andpubic hair?
God, I wasnotready for the throbbing clitoris either.
As all this was going on, I found solace in loose t-shirts.
They provided a sort of comfort, a protective shield while I navigated the changes to my body.
But this comfort was soon subjected to scrutiny from others.
I found solace in loose t-shirts.
Varuna Srinivasan
They provided comforta protective shield as I navigated the changes to my body.
Cute, sickly sweet dresses?
Check, check,check.
Varuna Srinivasan
I began to do all manner of things I associated with conventional femininity.
I started listening to Backstreet Boys.
I liked the attention.
My plan to become womanly, to eradicate the tomboyishness I now rejected, was working.
But this was a double-edged sword.
And, truth be told, this performance of female vulnerability did not make me feel very good.
Resentments started to build up inside of me.
As such, I swungbackin the other direction once more.
Over the next two years, I became determined to take a more masculine approach towards life.
Men dont have time for frivolous relationships.
Men dont need friends, and neither did I!
But the loneliness started to creep in.
I was in a place in my life where vulnerability was something to avoid at all costs.
As anyone would say, this was not really serving me either.
Everything soon came to a head.
The toxic ideologies about femininity and masculinity that I kept taking on no longer served me.
Nothing was defined, nor did it have to be.
And this perspective was not limited to gender expression, it could be applied to so much more.
I could be genderexpansive.
While scrolling on Facebook during the pandemic, I came across that word: genderqueer.
But this word, genderqueer, was nice.
It felt like a big enough label to fit all the feelings I felt about myself.
In understanding that my identity was on a spectrum, I felt liberated.
Soon, I changed my pronouns fromshe/hertoshe/they.
The former was bestowed upon me at birth.
The addition of they was thrilling.
It gave me a sense of bodily autonomy, one I had never known.
I changed my pronouns fromshe/hertoshe/they.
It gave me a sense of bodily autonomy, one I’d never known.
Today, I feel like I am a beautiful mix of all my experiences.
According to the ACLU, there are over 400 anti-trans legislations in place across the country.
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